Someone To Love
by XxNovellaxX
Summary: Set after Meredith's speech about not dating other People. What happens when Meredith just wants to love something? And what if that something is something that would never happen in a million years? Like a orphan baby. Chapter 8 is up!
1. Chapter 1

**Alright. I am back again, I just miss this show so much. Anyway, this would never happen in a million years, but the idea came to me and I thought I'd write it. You wont know exactly what won't happen in a million years, for a couple chapters, but believe me, I think you'll be intrigued.**

_Someone To Love_

_A feeling_

Red touches black. Another minute gone by, another hour wasted. Just deep stares into nothingness and a whole lot of unwanted thoughts. Alone and unguarded. Something she'd rather not be, but cannot seem to help. It's like, no matter what she does, she can't stop trying to pin point the exact moment where everything went wrong. Because the thing is, she can't think of one, because this time, she really doesn't think it was her fault.

He kissed another women, and Meredith was getting better, she was taking her sexy steps, and she was going to tell him that she didn't want him, or herself to date other people. Should she have been a little quicker in telling him? No. Because she had no idea what was going on. She had no idea that there was such a person named Rose. And that person name Rose could potentially ruin her life.

It's sunny outside for once. And for once the weather doesn't match her mood. How can it be sunny and cheery outside when she actually wishes for rain? She can't blame her mood on the rain like she sometimes does. So today, frankly, she has no excuse. _Unless_ you count Derek being an impatient asshole.

Meredith shrugs and takes a bite or her cookie. Washing it down with a glass of nice cold milk, she wishes silently to herself, that things didn't have to be so hard. Life's not supposed to be this hard. She remembers telling that to a patient of hers a long time ago. It just really shouldn't. She knows it's supposed to be a little challenging. But the thing she doesn't get is why everything..._everything._ Has to happen to her. Why is it that she has to be faced with so many things that cause her to become dark and twisty. Does someone just really hate her that much?

Well whatever the case. Meredith just wishes she had something to love. Like a dog or something. But of course she's tried that before..and it didn't quite work out. She guesses that maybe she could try that again...but there are just so many people in her house right now, and then their is the whole thing about George and Meredith almost picking a dog over him. He will probably hate her if she gets another dog.

Meredith sighs deeply and downs the rest of her milk. She has work in half an hour. She's in no rush at all because she is all dressed and has clean scrubs ready and everything. Pondering for a moment or two, she thinks about what might happen at work today. Part of her wants to go to work, because surgeries and patients help her get her mind off her own problems. The other part of her wants to avoid work all together because she has another one of her feelings. Except this time she has no idea what this feeling is exactly. She just knows something is going to happen today; And that it will effect her greatly.

Meredith stares off again. She's sitting with legs tucked in on the couch. Everyone else is at work. She didn't have to be in until later because know one is allowed to exceed eighty hours. So here she is, all alone, and feeling unloved. Red touches black again. She has twenty minutes to get to work. It only takes about ten to get there. She decides to go to work anyway; Whether or not she has this feeling.

**Alright. You'll find out eventually. Please just let me know what you think. I love reviews, they are encouraging, and they make me feel loved. :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Two reviews? Seriously? Well hopefully I will change that.**

_Someone To Love_

_Wanting_

Although it is still early in her shift, Meredith has found it hard to just stay there. She's only about two hours in, and she's sitting on a gurney against the wall in the hallway near the clinic. She's doing paperwork. This feeling of hers is just growing stronger and stronger by the hour, every revolution over the face of the clock, and the feeling just grows and grows. Eating away at her, and she can't do a thing about it.

Meredith sighs deeply, wishing she had stayed home, or wishing that this thing, whatever it was, would just get itself over with. She has never had a stronger feeling then this. Not since the whole bomb in the chest cavity, and yet that still wasn't this strong. It makes Meredith a little scared. Because she has no idea what will happen. She doesn't know if this feeling is good or bad. Or if something will blow up, or someone she knows will get in an accident. So this whole time, she's been keeping an ever close eye on her friends. So close in fact that they are getting annoyed with her, and asking why the hell she is hovering. She's even keeping a close eye on Derek.

Even though it's Derek, and she's been fighting with her self over the feelings she has for him. She can't help but watch over him. Because, although they are no longer together, and she is livid with him for it. She will die if something bad happens to him. She literally thinks she will no longer be able to go on with her life. Or live with herself if something was to happen to him.

George suddenly comes out of nowhere and sits beside her. He hands her a sandwich and a cup of coffee and settles against the wall with his own snack. Meredith gives him a smile and goes back to her paperwork after taking a sip. She remembers what she wanted earlier, but didn't quite know what to do about it because she doesn't want to be on bad terms with George again. But maybe if she asked him, and promised to be good about it; He'd agree. Instead she just looks at him. Like she doesn't quiet know how to ask. He looks back at her and cocks his head to the side.

"What?" He asks, with a mouth full of his own sandwich.

"Nothing." She just decides against it and sips her coffee and writes something on her papers.

"No, none of that, what is it?"

"I want something to love George." She just flat out says it, and then looks to him for a reaction. It's not like she just said, "I want a Dog George."

"What? what do you mean?" She is just freaking him out today. He's used to her saying random things like that, but this on top of the constant hovering, it's just plain not like her.

"I want a dog. I want something to love." She's pleading with him now.

"But Meredith." He starts. He recalls the last time they had a dog. And how much it hurt him to have her almost pick the dog over him. He's not in love with her anymore, but that doesn't mean that it still doesn't hurt to think of it. Plus she was devastated when she had to put Doc down.

"Never mind." She says with a sigh and her head goes back down into her paperwork again.

George can see how much she wants this. It surprises him, but he can see how much she's torn up about these recent events. And he can also see that she does indeed need something to love, and something to love her back. Like a dog. George pats her knee and leaves her to finish her work.

Meredith is alone in the hall again. All is quiet accept for the usual hospital sounds she loves so much. She finishes her paperwork and walks into the clinic to give it to Bailey. Handing them over she gives her a smile and Bailey just looks at her. Telling her with her eyes that she's not falling for that fake smile crap. Meredith just shakes her head and leaves the clinic. She doesn't quite know what to do with herself now. She's run labs, which is something her interns should do, and she's had them discharge some patients and she herself has done some paperwork. She needs something else to do or else she'll go crazy. Because now, the feeling is right at the surface of her chest. She can feel how close this moment is coming. Very soon, something life changing is going to happen.

Shaking herself a little, to throw off a bit of the tension that has been building, Meredith decides to go down to the pit. Maybe talking and suturing up some patients will get her mind off it. But the closer she gets to the pit, the more the feeling grows. She opens the swinging doors and sees a couple of people waiting in chairs. She spots a women dressed in a long brown coat with a baby in her arms. Meredith walks over to her and puts a hand on her shoulder to get her attention.

"Excuse me." Meredith says in a low voice. The women looks over at her with a concerned look on her face.

"I need help, well she needs help." The women says, turning the baby so Meredith could see. Meredith looks down at the baby girl. And thats when Meredith's feeling explodes inside her. She gasps quietly to herself and has to close her eyes. And just like that, the feeling is gone. Meredith looks at the baby again, and guesses that she's about eight months old. She has a head full of strawberry blonde hair and beautiful blue eyes. Meredith finally sees that the baby has a deep cut over her left eyebrow, and that she's going to need stitches.

"What happened." Meredith asks, she is now crouched down to take a better look.

"Well I work at an orphanage..."

"So she's an orphan." Meredith concludes and a wave of sympathy washes over her.

"yes, and she just came in yesterday, she doesn't even have a name...But you see, she fell out of her crib this morning. I tried to clean the cut but it's so deep so I brought her here."

"Very good choice, she's going to need stitches." By now the baby has grabbed onto Meredith's two fingers and is holding on tightly. Not a sound comes out of her.

"She wasn't even crying.' The women says.

"She's tough." Meredith says quietly. She's mesmerized by the blue of her eyes."well If you wait right here, I'll stitch her up and you can bring her home..." She pauses and then remembers that this baby is orphaned.

Meredith brings the baby over to a bed and props her up against a pillow. She then spots Izzie coming into the room and waves her over.

"What do we have?" Izzie says coming over.

"Orphaned baby fell out of her crib at the orphanage." Meredith replies, getting out all the things she'll need.

"Who would do such a thing to an adorable and beautiful baby?" Izzie gets this sad look on her face.

"I know..."

"What do you want me to do?" Izzie asks, she's bent down in front of the baby.

"Can you stich her up while I hold her?" Meredith doesn't wait for an answer. She gets up on the bed with the baby and places her in her lap.

"Yeah sure." Izzie pulls up a stool and dabs the wound with something to numb the area. The baby just looks up at Meredith.

Meredith smiles down at the baby, holding onto her arms and massaging her. "You'll be okay." She cooes. Izzie looks on with interest. She's never seen Meredith act this way towards a baby before.

After a couple of minutes or so Izzie is all down. The whole time Meredith just kept her eyes on the baby and held onto her like she was hers or something.

"All done." Izzie says tickling the baby. The little girl laughs and turns her head up to Meredith again. "It's funny how she does that." Izzie points out.

"Does what." Meredith replies, a smile on her face as she taps the babies nose lovingly.

"Looks up at you like that."

"She trusts me I guess." Meredith picks the baby up and gets off the bed. She holds her to her and starts to walk over the the women who brought her in. And then it happens. The baby's head lolles to the side and she starts the shake violently. Meredith goes into a panic.

"She's seizing."

**Alright. What do you think. I defiantly think I deserve some reviews? Right? Please?**


	3. Chapter 3

_Someone To Love_

_Breath Deep_

Meredith sat in a chair in the room dividing the little baby girl, and herself. They brought her down for an MRI after they had controlled her seizers. Meredith was just waiting for the results. And for now, while she waits, she closes her eyes and takes deep breaths. She's also trying to rationalize; wondering how this patient is any different then any other. It wasn't because it was a baby. She has dealt with babies a couple of times before. There is just something about this one.

"What happened?" Derek enters the room and leans over Meredith's shoulder to take a look at the screen. Meredith for some reason forgot that he might be involved in this. But even if that's the case, she still takes in another deep breath. He is just so close to her, she can smell his scent.

"Umm...Someone from the orphanage brought her in. She had fallen from her crib and Izzie and I stiched her up. And after that I was bring her back to the women and she started seizing." Meredith didn't even realize that she was sounding a little tense and worried.

"Alright." Derek looked at her funny but said it in a calming way just to sooth her. "Ah here we are." Derek points at a section of the babies brain on the screen. "It's a Subdural Hematoma."

"It's Acute." Meredith points out also.

"Alright. Since she's an infant, we'll have to do a craniotomy right away. Go inform the parents and then prep her for surgery, your scrubbing in." Derek turns to leave.

"Dr. Shepherd."

Derek cocks his head to the side over the formality and then answers, "Dr. Grey?"

"She doesn't have any parents...she's an orphan." Derek notices the attachment in her voice.

"Alright..." He is upset for this baby as well, "Then tell whoever brought her in. See you down there." He pauses again, "And Meredith?"

"Yeah?"

"Try to keep a distance." Meredith lowers her head. She knows she shouldn't get attached, but she just can't help it. This baby has no one, she doesn't even have a name.

Meredith had let the women who brought her in know and is now down in the scrub room. The baby is prep ed and is now ready for surgery. Meredith stares into the operating room as she washes her hands vigorously. The operation should go smoothly, it's Derek who's operating, and he's the best, she'll be fine.

"She'll be fine." Derek whispers from behind her, it's like he read her mind. She just nods her head.

"She's just...I don't know. She's just been left behind you know? No one wanted her. It's just so unfair." Meredith looks up at him. He has that crooked smile on, like he's listening very intently. And he's trying to figure her out, because frankly, he's never seen her act like this towards a patient, let alone a baby.

"She'll be okay, it's not a complicated surgery.

A nurse pokes her head in and looks at Derek, "She's ready now Dr. Shepherd."

Derek nods in her direction but his eyes stay on Meredith, "You ready?" Meredith nods in response and they both enter the room.

The surgery begins with an incision. A slow, careful incision that Meredith just wished didn't have to happen. Life was already unfair for this baby girl. Meredith doesn't take her eyes off the baby's face the whole time.

Derek looks at her and sees her intensity, "Dr. Grey, what is the first step?" He wants to ease her mind a little by keeping her busy.

"Umm...We open the dura."

"Good, and then?"

"We remove the blood clot so we can identify and control any bleeding." She says this all slowly.

"Very good, Dr. Grey." He looks at her over his mask and smiles. He continues on with the opening if the dura, and then looks to Meredith. "Here, Dr. Grey, remove the blood clot."

"Alright." Meredith steps to where Derek was standing and begins to remove the clot very carefully as not to cause any further damage. The whole time Derek stood close behind her.

The clot was removed successfully and with further investigation of the area, there was no other sites of bleeding. "Very good Meredith." Derek then realizes that he said her name, but she didn't notice, she just was so absorb in saving this baby's life. "Okay, now we close up." Meredith steps aside and Derek closes up.

It's after the surgery and Meredith is sitting in the nursery on the pediatrics floor. The baby is asleep in her crib. Meredith had let the women know that the surgery went well and that the baby could go home in a week. Just incase there was any other areas of bleeding that may occur. The women left and now Meredith is the one who will sit with her. She's been siting here for over an hour. Her shift isn't over because she's on call. That gives her plenty of time to spend down here with this un named baby.

"You need a name." Meredith says to the sleeping form. She has put a hand on the small of the baby's back. She can feel the baby breathing slowly, in...and out. Meredith breaths in deeply too, and then lets it out in a slow sigh. Then the name comes to her. "I'll call you Lira."

"You still in here?" It' Izzie. She walks over to Meredith and kneels down beside her.

"Yeah, hey Iz?"

"Yes?"

"Can you hand me a blank name card?" Meredith looks at her and then down at Lira.

"Umm...I guess, why do you need it." Izzie walks away for a minute and then come back with the card. Meredith takes it and writes down the baby's new name. Izzie sighs. "Meredith, you can't do that."

"Why the hell not? She doesn't have a name." Meredith tapes the name to the crib. Lira sleeps soundly in her crib.

"Your getting to attached."

"Your one to talk." Meredith accuses and Izzie goes silent.

"It's a pretty name, Mere." Izzie then says. She looks at the name and then the beautiful strawberry blonde baby girl. "It suites her."

"I know, it just came to me." Meredith is silent for quite sometime. Izzie takes a seat in another chair and looks in on a little boy next to her.

"What do you think is going to happen to her?" Izzie looks concerned.

"I dunno Iz...I dunno."

**Okay, Third chapter up and the baby will be okay, and has a name. **


	4. Chapter 4

**It has been too long. And I am so sorry, seriously. The whole baby thing gave me an idea and I have been writing a book ever since. So I decided, at one in the morning, to write this. I can't sleep so I'll give you a chapter and then sleep. Enjoy.**

Someone to Love

A whole different feeling

It must have been the high school, the collage, premed...med, intern, surgeries, the Derek thing, the Addison thing, the bomb thing, the Finn thing, then Prom of course the drowning thing...what else. Oh yes, then Rose. All of this happening must have put a huge pause on a womens maternal clock. Meredith was just so rapped up in all of _that, _to see the bigger picture. She didn't have time to think about babies, and being a mother. She's never felt that desire. But Lyra. That sweet, innocent and homeless child has no one. And suddenly Meredith finds herself, yet again in a supply closet sitting on the floor with tears running down her face. this is a whole new feeling. something _entirely_ different then her normal, usually messed up, dark and twisty, Meredith self.

Her body is now feeling this need. this need so strong she doesn't know what to do. and frankly even her own body, even as it's feeling this, feels so raw and exposed, it doesn't know how to react. So it weeps, and shakes, and sobs. So Meredith is sobbing in a closet. One minute she was scrubbing in on a surgery with Dr. Bailey, the next, tears a running down her cheeks. What else is Meredith to do but run to the nearest room, in this case, the very supply closet she hyper ventilated in a long time ago.

Meredith can feel her body shaking, and another wave of sobs comes over her. She can feel herself starting to panic and can't get herself to calm down. She lays down flat on the floor, her face flush with the cold tile. Now her tears are pooling the the floor, and soaking the front of her scrubs. The coolness on her face only seems to delay the fever she's worked herself into, but she's finding it harder to breath, the longer that happens, the more she freaks out, and the worse it gets.

It's almost the end of Lyra's stay at the hospital, perhaps unconsciously, Meredith has been wishing the day would never come. But frankly, what can she do? She's an intern, soon to be a resident. She doesn't have time to raise a baby, let alone by herself. Plus she's isn't capable of it. she can't even take care of herself...well she can, but she thinks she can't, because she's always dark and twisty Meredith. And has Derek puts it, can't breath for herself. If she can't do that, how is she going to be able to commit to a small child, someone who will need her more?

Meredith doesn't think of those things. All she's thought about is Lyra. Not in the sense of adoption, and yes unconsciously, but she's not aware of these feelings. Deep down she might possibly know that she's falling in love with this baby. This beautiful little being who brightens her day the second she sees her, and makes her smile uncontrollably every time Lyra blows bubbles with her tiny mouth, or smiles at her, and grabs her finger with her tiny ineffectual fists.

It's the first time ever that Meredith has felt that way. And she has been around allot of babies. Christina as outwardly expressed her opinion on this matter. She rolls her eyes every time and makes a remark about being Izzie. She's once out right said, that the only reason Meredith has an attachment to this baby, is because they are the same. Something about her mommy and daddy abandonment issues.

Who cares. Who cares if Meredith has those problems, who cares if that's why she has this attachment. Who freaken cares, seriously? What she does need to care about is getting her breathing under control; she's in a supply closet all by herself and she's elevating into another hyperventilation. Or maybe this is an anxiety attach? either way, she has no one.

"Meredith?" A bang on the door, "Are you in there?...Mere, i saw you go in there..." Silence. Meredith is loosing control now, that voice has now pushed her over the edge.

She's hardly thought about him all this week. It's almost like she's trained herself to believe he's not there, even if she passes him in the hallway, or he's standing there behind her in the elevator like always. All her friends see a change in her, and it seems that the only one sticking up for her is Izzie. Christina has taken some weird dislike to all this. But Meredith doesn't seem to care. Especially now with this whole different feeling leaping upon her like some weird dream. She's a women, she should be used to this, but she just hasn't had the time, which is odd when your thinking of a clock ticking.

Of course it's him, and of course he's opening the door, realizing she's freaking out. Yep, and he's kneeling down and grabbing a hold of her. And now he's being McDreamy. And just like that last time, such a very long time ago, he hands her a paper bag to breath into, which is helping her breath, which hypothetically, _he_ is helping her breath.

**Short but you get my point right? **


	5. Chapter 5

**I realize now that i made a tiny mistake. I said something about Meredith being an intern, but she's a resident and has interns...so anyways, here is another chapter for you, coming at again, 1 in the morning. P.S. Derek's in this chapter!**

Someone to Love

Breathe

"Shh...Breathe Mere, just breathe okay?" Derek holds Meredith to his chest, she's practically in his lap, and he's stroking his thumb over her cheek, and holding her hand that's holding the paper bag to her face. Her eyes are closed and tears are leaking from her eyes, down her cheek, onto his thumb and dripping onto the paper bag.

When he came in and saw her like this he panicked, and for some reason he just couldn't help but run to her aid. He couldn't help it because he still loves her. This whole thing is one big contradiction. Here he is, in all his McDreamy...ness. He said he couldn't breath for her anymore. But he just can't help himself. He will never get over the feeling of having to be there for her. it's meant to be. This whole relationship, whether it seems like it's bad, works. She's everything he needs, she is it for him.It's hard to explain but he knows that she is it for him.

And he is all she needs. Even though she has this urge to run every time things get serious, he is still there. And the whole thing where he said he just couldn't do it anymore, was a huge blow; Because she knows that he is it for her. He is helping her come out of her dark and twisty self, very slowly, but she is. Derek backed out because he was scared. Hard to believe but it's true. When Meredith drowned he felt like a failure. He felt that he wasn't enough to bring her back, for her to want to live. He feels like she is constantly leaving him, even if her physical presence is there.

They both need to learn how to help each other. They both need to open there eyes a little wider and realize what they have. When they do, she wont feel the need to run so much, and he will feel like he is enough for her. Even this moment right now, right here in this closet shows him a little bit of how much she needs him. He's enough for her because she is no longer struggling for breath. his presence now is enough to bring her back.

"There you go." He whispers in her ear. "You can breathe on your own now." He then realizes what he just said and sighs.

He holds her closer to him, squeezing her so hard she gasps a little. Breathing in her scent he relaxes, and then releases her. To his surprise she doesn't move. She wraps her arms around his torso and holds on tight, remembering every good feeling she ever had with him, just from how he smells. God as she missed that smell. It's been so long now, his smell has now gone from the pillow his head used to lay on. The head that would watch her while she slept.

Now tears come for a whole different reason. Now she knows how much she needs him. she needs him to help her breathe sometimes. not all the time, just when things get tough. And she knows that things are almost always tough, but that's why people need someone, to help them get through it. She needs help to get through this. Even if he is the one who caused it.

"I..." She tries to say something but a sob catches in her throat.

"No...it's okay, don't speak..." He involuntarily kisses the top of her head. It's a habit.

Her instant reaction is to look up at him. She doesn't even lift her head from his chest, just loosens her grip on him and elevates her head a little. Just enough to see into those eyes of his. With that one look neither can help it, they both instantaneously move there heads, one upwards, the other downwards, until they meet in the middle. As soon as they meet in the middle all is found again. The feelings they both get feel so familiar none of them want to stop. It turns into a very heated kiss. Meredith, getting very much into it starts to pull Derek's scrub top off. Derek knowing that this is going to far stops.

"Meredith." He says, putting her at arms length and looking right into her eyes. He sees how hurt she is, and he also sees something else he can't quite put his finger on.

"Please..." She says just below a whisper. She needs this. She needs to feel his hands on her, she needs to feel wanted, loved.

"Meredith, believe me I want to. I want to be able to kiss you. I do." Derek's voice rises a little. He knows that he wants to be in this, but he wants his conscience clear.

"Rose..." Meredith says. Derek nods, and she leans into him again, only this time she just wants him to hold her.

GA

It's about an hour after her panic attach and again Meredith sits quietly in the chair next to Lyra's crib. Only Lyra is in her lap. She's holding on to both of Meredith's index fingers, and moving them up and down, up and down, and giggling softly to herself. Meredith just smiles inwardly to herself. She likes the feeling of making Lyra laugh and smile. Lyra always smiles and laughs when Meredith enters the room. It makes Meredith feel important, and loves the feeling she gets when Lyra snuggles into the crook of her neck and falls asleep.

Meredith has given into this new motherly... whatever. Even though it scares her a little, she welcomes it only when Lyra is present. When she's not, it turns into an kind of ache. She secretly wishes her mother was around to ask her about this feeling. But of course she isn't, and Meredith doesn't think she'd get much of an answer anyway.

"Lyra goes home tomorrow right?" George walks into the nursery and takes a seat in front of her. He makes a funny face for Lyra and then looks up at his friend. Meredith looks away from his gaze.

"She's an _orphan_ George." She says flatly, turning Lyra around so she's facing her. She kisses the little girl on the nose, and smiles down at her and her alone.

George notes the mother hiding in Meredith and is taken aback. "What have you done?" He asks, indicating this unhealthy attachment.

"I haven't done anything." She says, her head snapping up to glare at him. He gives her a look that says otherwise. "She...she needs me." She says this is a sort of defeated manner.

"I know what your thinking Meredith, but yo-"

"Meredith?" Derek's head pokes around the door.

"Oh...Well...I'll..umm, I'll just, bye." George gets up and leaves without looking back.

Meredith, although she has no idea what is going to happen now, can't help but smile at Derek. Derek seems to have the same views because he sits down in the seat George was just in, that famous smile of his on his face. None of them say anything for a long time. Meredith just plays with Lyra, and Derek watches.

"She's Beautiful." Derek says, caressing the babies cheek.

"I know." Meredith replies, the way a mother would when doting on her daughter. "And She's leaving tomorrow..." A tear falls from her eye and she picks up Lyra and hugs her tightly to herself, not ever wanting to let her go.

**So this was a little longer, and had more dialogue, and more Derek, and more Lyra. Please let me know what you think. **


	6. Chapter 6

**Here is another chapter!**

Someone to Love

Let Go

Meredith heaves a big sigh. She feels her throat closing up and opens her mouth to see if it helps, but of course, a sob escapes. What the hell is wrong with her? Derek looks on with shock. knowing just what to do, he kneels down beside her and envelopes her and Lyra into a warm embrace. He feels Meredith shaking against his skin and kisses her softly on the lips. Meredith has become a mother, without even realizing it. He knows exactly what she'll be like when this baby is gone from her life. He loves Meredith so much, he doesn't want to see her so broken up.

"I can't...I can't do it Derek..." She says lifting her head and looking him in the eye.

"Meredith...you have to...you have to let go." Derek puts a hand on her cheek, she moves her head towards it, letting another tear escape. So many tears, you'd think she'd be completely dry by now.

Meredith shakes her head, "No...I don't want to...I..I..." She trails off, knowing exactly what she wants to say, but doesn't want to speak the truth out loud.

Derek gets up and paces the nursery, every now and then he looks back at Meredith, and then at Lyra. He sees how attached Lyra has become to Meredith. Lyra will probably be just as upset without Meredith, as Meredith will be without her. Meredith is the closest she's ever had to a mother. Derek doesn't even know why he's pondering this. It's just absurd. Meredith cannot adopt a baby.

"I am so tired." Meredith says this as if she was never crying. She stands up with Lyra at her hip, and wipes her eyes with her free hand. She walks over to Derek, and places the baby girl in his arms.

"Good idea, go home and sleep...I'll meet you there in an hour." Hhe smiles at the comment and Meredith smiles back, giving him a kiss on the lips, and then kissing Lyra.

She leaves the room, and the turns back with a sad look on her face, looking at the beautiful strawberry blonde baby girl, soaking her all in, including those pretty blue eyes. And then she's gone. Derek sighs and sits in a rocking chair close by. Lyra grabs on to a pen in his lab coat and tries to suck on it.

"No no...what does she call you? Lyra." He take the pen from her hand, and she grabs two of his fingers instead. Derek can't help but smile and laugh a little to himself. He sits Lyra facing him and tickles her. Lyra laughs and claps her hands.

"Meredith loves her you know." Derek looks over and sees Izzie standing in the doorway. Derek nods, and looks back at Lyra, who has stopped smiling all together and looks all around her. It's as if she just realized that Meredith left.

Lyra begins to cry. Izzie comes rushing over, her own instinct kicking in.

"No, I got it." Derek hugs Lyra close to him and whispers softly to her. He rubs the small of her back, something he's caught Meredith doing when Lyra is falling asleep. Lyra calms down a little but still tries to look for Meredith. Derek stands but and sways back and forth. Izzie looks on with interest.

Lyra settles to a hiccup, her head on Derek's shoulder, her fist rubbing her eyes. "She's just tired," He lies. He knows she's upset about Meredith leaving.

"Ah huh." Izzie smirks and leaves the nursery.

Derek is left standing there with a sleeping Lyra in his arms. He brings her over to her crib and gently places her in it. Instead of leaving right away he pulls up and chair and rests his arms on the crib, his head looking down to the floor. Another sigh escapes him and he lifts his head to place in both his hands. Bringing his hands down from his face he peers in at the sleeping baby girl Meredith seems to love so much.

"I see why she loves you." He says before getting up and heading home to Meredith.

GA

Derek enters a house of complete silence. He hangs his coat up on the hanger by the door, as if he had never been gone from this house. He checks the kitchen and then the living room before heading up the stairs to Meredith's room. When he reaches her door and listens intently, and hears her talking. Knocking on the door and opens to door and peeks in. There sitting on her Bed is Meredith. She's smiling and looking to her shoulder at something.

"What are you smiling about?" He asks, entering the room and closing the door behind him.

Meredith looks away from whatever is on her shoulder and looks at Derek, kind of surprised that he's there, like she forgot that he was back in her life again. once she realizes that this is real, she smiles and picks up, what he knows sees as a kitten, from her shoulder and holds it up for him to see.

Ah, cute." He says, walking over and sitting on the bed in front of Meredith. "Where did you get it."

"I got _her_, from George." She says. She turns the tiny kitten, which is long haired and calico and white.

"Well she is very cute." He kisses Meredith on her forehead and lays down with his arm over his head.

"I need to name her." Meredith places the kitten on Derek's knee. The tiny kitten walks up his leg, mews, and snuggles up under his chin. Meredith laughs at the sight of the two of them.

"How about...Amy?" Derek suggests. Meredith thinks about it for a minute and nods her head.

"I'm sorry." She Suddenly whispers, and Derek gets a curious look on his face. He reaches out and grabs a hold of her arm, pulling her down beside him. Now they face each other on the pillow.

"You have nothing to be sorry about." Thats his own way of saying it was his fault too. "I shouldn't have been to pushy." He then adds. Meredith nods in understanding and doesn't say another word. She takes Amy from under Derek's chin and puts her between her shoulder and her chin. The tiny little Amy snuggles up close, and soon Meredith can feel her vibrating, and a load purr come from that little body.

"I've missed you." She says just above a whisper. A need, another strong need come over her, one she is more familiar with. "Hold me?" She asks.

GA

Meredith wakes to Derek smirking at her. "What?" She asks. He moves closer and kisses her.

"Look at your nose." he says with a laugh. Meredith looks and sees a furry tail between her eyes and laughs with Derek. Amy must have moved during the night and has fallen asleep on Meredith's forehead. But as soon as that happiness had come, it vanished with the remembrance of what day it was.

Meredith goes silent and picks the kitten up from her head and kisses her nose, masking her sudden unhappiness. Derek notices right away and takes the kitten from Meredith and places her in a basket next to the bed. Amy just curls up and purrs.

"Come on Meredith." He says, pulling her close to him and trying to make her look at him.

"No." She says flatly. She takes a tone with him he's never heard, like a challenge.

"Meredith."

"I said no. I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to hear how I have to let go. I know. But I can't. I can't let her go dammit!" She stands up and paces the room. Derek sits up and watches her carefully. "She needs me Derek..." She then says, turning towards him and looking him in the eye, trying to make him see how different this all is for her.

Derek sighs and gets up. He tires to hold her but she pushes him away. "Now you can't do that Meredith. Alright? You can't just keep pushing me away." He's getting frustrated now.

Meredith stops in her tracks and looks at him again. she knows he's right, but it's part of her nature, she just has to get used to letting him n. "I'm sorry."

"Stop saying sorry and just tell me what you want." Derek moves closer to her again, she stands where she is. He cups a hand on her cheek, trying to coaxes her feeling sout into the open.

"I can't let go Derek...I just can't"

**Soooooooooo...yeah...let me know what you think...please. :)**


	7. Chapter 7

Someone to Love

_She's Gone_

_"_I called in sick, I'm not going." Meredith says from under her covers, "Go away." She roles over, her back to her person. Little Amy sits on the bedside table looking at Meredith, probably wondering what's wrong with her.

Christina sighs "Meredith!"

"NO! Now get the hell out of my room!" Meredith pokes her head out from under the covers and glowers at her friend. Christina backs away and out of the room, closing the door behind her.

"Your giving up already!" George yells at Christina. Izzie just stands there, contemplating. "I'm going in there." George goes to grab the door knob but Izzie stops him.

"No George, Christina's right."

"She didn't even say anything!"

"So." Christina puts in, interested to see what Izzie comes up with. Both she and George look to their other friend for an answer.

"Meredith needs to deal with this on her own, give her some space...and time." She pauses looking at the two of them. "Alright?" She says with a warning. Christina just shrugs and walks down the stairs to leave. George sighs but agrees.

While all of this is going on outside her bedroom door, Meredith sits up in bed, staring out the window. Amy sits on her lap looking up at her with her big eyes, and climbs up her arm onto her shoulder.The clock on the bedside table reads 6:15AM. Work starts in fifteen minutes, and Lyra is scheduled to leave an hour after that. Part of Meredith wants to go down there and say her goodbyes; hold that baby in her arms and let her know that she loves her, even though she can't stay with her. The other part of her doesn't want to go at all, that is the part that has taken over. Meredith doesn't do well with theses kinds of emotional occurrences. She refuses to let go, so she's withdrawn within herself.

This kind of thing...well she can't be doing this. Meredith has been that kind of person all her life, it's part of what causes her relationship problems. Derek sees this coming, and has thought of many ways to keep her a little more balanced. He knows that she needs to let go, whether or not she willing to do so.

Half an hour goes by and Meredith hasn't moved from the bed. she's still staring out the window. Amy is trying to get Meredith's attention by purring and touching her face with her paw. Meredith ignores her as a powerful wind blows the trees around outside, and a dark cloud ascends upon Seattle. Soon it will rain, and soon that baby will be out of her life for good, and quite frankly, Meredith will never be the same.Ten more minutes go by. Lyra will be on her way to the orphange in a few minutes. Something inside stirs Meredith from her bed, and she suddenly stands up. She has to see Lyra one last time.

Meredith puts Amy down on the bed and throws on a random shirt and a pair of sweats and runs out the door and outside. The air is cold and there's a light drizzle of rain coming down. She jumps into her car and quickly backs out of the driveway. Ignoring the gut feeling that she isn't going to make it. Meredith hurries to the hospital. Once she gets there, rain now pouring heavily outside, she runs into the hospital and makes her way to the pediatrics wing.

"Meredith!" Someone yells to her has she speeds by them and jumps into a nearby elevator. The long wait up to the nursery feels like forever.

"Dammit." She curses silently to herself.

When she gets up there she wastes no time getting to the nursery. When she gets to that big window she immediately sees Derek sitting in a chair with his head in his hands. And there is no sign of Lyra. Derek suddenly looks up and sees her. In that moment he sees everything. He sees the emotions filling up and runs to her and pulls her to him the second they pour over.

"NO!" Meredith screams and then collapses into his waiting arms in a pit of uncontrollable sobs. Izzie and Alex come running up behind her and stand there. Both of them wishing they could do something to help.

All Derek can do is sit there on the floor with her. whispering in her ear and soothing her with kisses and massaging her back. But Meredith is beyond consoling, it's as if she had a baby, and it died. In a way this is kind of the same thing. Meredith is feeling lost, and like she's lost something very important to her. Like Lyra was the peace that was missing, and now she's gone. She feels like everything she did was for nothing, because Lyra will grow up and never get to meet the women who loved her more then she will ever know.

"She's... gone..." Meredith cries between sobs. Derek doesn't say anything, because there really is nothing he could say that would make this all better.

**So I know this is very sad...But I will try to make some happy moments...I Promise.**


	8. Chapter 8

**I know the last chapter was sad. I can't just go and make it better just like that, it wouldn't be good writing, so you'll have to bare with me, just trust me okay?**

Someone to Love

_One step at a time_

_Meredith Grey: Maybe we like the pain. Maybe we're wired that way. Because without it, I don't know; maybe we just wouldn't feel real. What's that saying? Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer? Because it feels so good when I stop._

Lyra is out there somewhere. Somewhere Meredith hopes that that beautiful strawberry blonde baby girl, is getting the love she deserves, even if Meredith herself is not the one giving it to her. It so two months after Lyra's departure from Meredith's life. It took Meredith a whole month, and then some to get over it, at least on the outside. She still pines after her every now and then, the longing to be a mother has gotten stronger now in her absence, sometimes unbearable.

Amy, who is getting bigger seems to dull the ache, but only just a little. That fluffy little thing seems to be very in tune to Meredith's inner turmoil. Every time it seems that Meredith is drifting off and out of reality, Amy will rub her body along Meredith's face, or legs, whatever is closets, and purr. She'll sometimes sit on the back of the couch or pillow and lightly touch Meredith's face, just to bring her back. Most of the time it works, Meredith will laugh and snuggle the cute little thing, or she'll just get up and walk away from her. In a case like that Amy will follow and mew sadly, which makes Meredith feel bad.

Derek is doing everything he can to occupy Meredith, i guess you can say that picked up where they left off, only as far back as before Addison even showed up, only they know more about each other now. Derek as moved in. he moved in two weeks ago and Meredith, although scared at first, is now okay with it. it's no different then any other time. He's there all the time anyway, only now his stuffs there too. He would love to ask her to marry him, but he knows he needs to take one step at a time. He's happy just getting this far.

"So I was thinking." Meredith walks over to Derek who's standing at the nurses station filling out some kind of papers.

He turns around and gives her that knee melting smile that still gets to her, "Yes?" he raises an eyebrow.

"I was thinking you could come to lunch with me? and then maybe happen to be in the same on-call room as me say around...4ish?" She says all this with that cute smile of hers and her eyebrows slightly raised for dramatic affect.

He looks as if he's pondering real hard about it for a moment. "Hmm?" He gives her another smile and she hits him on the arm. "Your on."

"See you in an hour." She says kissing him. He gathers up his things and walks away from her.

Meredith stands at the nurses station for a couple of minutes. She leans with her back against the counter and smiles softly to herself. This time around, although rocky at the start as usual, has gone so well. She believes this time it will work. He's it for her. He's the man she wants to spend the rest of her life with, have children with, grow old with, all that stuff.

"I'm glad he picked you." Meredith turns around, a questioning look on her face. She sees Rose standing there a chart in her hand. "I mean...it's not that I'm not upset about it...it's just...your meant for him..." She goes silent, and gets this look on her face like she wished she hadn't said anything, like she felt stupid.

Meredith doesn't say anything. Just smiles.

"Dr. Grey?" Saved by an intern. Meredith turns around to see a couple of her interns looking at her.

"Yes?" She asks them all.

"Umm..."

"Are you telling me you have nothing to do?" Meredith sighs and picks up a few charts from a pile she's been caring around. "Alright." She hands a couple charts out, assigns one of them to the pit and the others to the clinic.

Once they leave her pager goes off. It's a 911 on one of her patients. Code Blue. She starts at a run towards her patients room. Of course it's two floors up so she takes the nearest elevator. This Patient, Mr. Cole, has been coding all day. When she finally gets there, it's to late.

"Call it." She says to the nearest intern.

"Time of death." The intern looks at her watch in despair. "13:35." Meredith sighs and takes Mr. Cole's chart and heads back to the nurses station to fill it out and a bunch of others before lunch.

GA

It's 4ish and Meredith lies in an empty on-call room waiting for Derek. It's always sad to loose a patient, especially when you've tried so hard to keep them alive, almost makes you feel like a failure. But Meredith knows that she had done everything she could. It was a huge reality check for her when she had to go tell Mr. Cole's wife and son that he had died. His Son was only twelve years old. And of course he tried to be a big boy for his mother, and tried not to shed a tear. He just sat with his mother as she cried into his chest.

The door opens and Meredith looks up from her spot on the bottom bunk. Derek stands there at the door, shuts it, and locks it. "How are you?" He asks, walking over and kissing her deeply before sitting down beside her.

"Mr. Cole died..." she says.

"I'm sorry Mere."

Meredith sighs. "I had to be the one to tell his wife and twelve year old son." Derek puts an arm around her shoulders.

"I'm sorry." He says again.

Meredith's face goes very serious and she looks right at him. "Don't die okay?"

"Okay." He says leaning in to kiss her. He snakes his hand through her hair and can feel her soft hands on his face as they deepen the kiss.

GA

It's later that night and the "Family" has finished eating dinner together and are now off doing there own thing. Izzie's on call and Alex went to Joes, and George must be hanging with his new intern friends. Meredith and Derek sit quietly on the couch, Amy sprawled across both their laps. The TV isn't even on. the two of them are just relaxing together, eyes closed, not really sleeping, just relaxing. Derek has his arms around Meredith, bother her hands in his. He caresses the tops of her hands with his thumb. with her eyes closed Meredith smiles to herself, her head resting on his chest. She suddenly sits up and turns towards him, a grin playing on her lips.

"What?" He asks, kissing her softly.

"Nothing." She replies kissing him back and then kissing his neck and face a few times. Derek just chuckles. she does this sometimes, Just cause "hey...Derek...?" She says between kisses.

"Hmm?" He asks looking down at her.

"I want to Marry you."

What ever happened to one step at a time?

**A little happier huh?? It just came to me at the last minute as I wrote it. Please review :)**


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